The problem is, when you are born of parents who invalidate you, you will ALWAYS marry someone who invalidates you as a way, unconsciously, of working through it with this new person since you cannot work through it with a parent.You don't realize the person is this way when you marry them..action_button.action_button:active.action_button:hover.action_button:focus.action_button:hover.action_button:focus .count.action_button:hover .count.action_button:focus .count:before.action_button:hover .count:before.u-margin-top--lg.u-margin-left--sm.u-flex.u-flex-auto.u-flex-none.bullet. Content Wrapper:after.hidden.normal.grid_page.grid_page:before,.grid_page:after.grid_page:after.grid_page h3.grid_page h3 a.grid_page h3 a:hover.grid_page h3 a.action_button.grid_page h3 a.action_button:active.grid_page h3 a.action_button:hover.grid_page h3 a.action_button:not(.fake_disabled):hover.grid_page h3 a.action_button:not(.fake_disabled):focus.grid_pagediv. Error Banner.fade_out.modal_overlay.modal_overlay .modal_wrapper.modal_overlay [email protected](max-width:630px)@media(max-width:630px).modal_overlay .modal_fixed_close.modal_overlay .modal_fixed_close:before.modal_overlay .modal_fixed_close:before.modal_overlay .modal_fixed_close:before.modal_overlay .modal_fixed_close:hover:before. Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_input. Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_spinner. I wrote an article some time ago in my journal about empowerment in which I talk a lot about my death of spirit due to my husband's silent abuse, the almost deadly effect on me and what I did to regain my soul spirit. IT comes in many forms so you don't see or realize it.I am writing this because of the good response from my empowerment article. Invalidation is defined simply as rejection, ignoring, mocking, judging, diminishing someone's feelings. If you are very sick in the bedroom and your husband or family does not come in for 8 hours to check on you in your bedroom, that is invalidation. If you leave a voice message on the answer machine or text and the other person doesn't finish listening to the message or doesn't return the call if appropriate, that is invalidation.
Another problem is you will ALWAYS pick friends who are invalidators because that is what feels NORMAL to you. Then, in my case, my children saw how their father treated me.
Our daily interactions constantly validate us as people. And so when we speak about my sexuality and my gender, as we do (and we must) we mean something complicated by it.
There is a great quote from Judith Butler that explains this complicated relationship between the self and the other. Neither of these is precisely a possession, but both are to be understood as modes of being dispossessed, ways of being for another or, indeed, by virtue of another.
Of course, nobody's perfect and on occasion people will make mistakes or be impolite. And I am not talking about the person who is overly sensitive.
In this busy world today most of us don't have time to be overly sensitive and we don't TAKE the time to feel how we feel around a person, place or thing.
Today I am speaking of the silent abuse: INVALIDATION. Women who are under this colorless veil of silent abuse will often awaken in the morning depressed. If they ask everyone in the room what they would like to drink but they don't ask you, that is invalidation.