(It’s a hard truth, but a valuable one.) “Maybe you’re interviewing the person or talking too much about work—those are huge turnoffs,” she says. “A lot of times, girls don’t want to show too much excitement.
But then, their date thinks, ‘Oh, she wasn’t in to me, I don’t want to bother.’” The fix?
Don’t go in to every encounter wondering if it’s going to lead to a white dress and a joint checking account—putting that kind of pressure on your love life is the fastest route to burnout, according Goldstein.
“If you expect everybody to be your soulmate, you get bummed out—and at the end, you walk away unhappy.” There’s nothing wrong with looking for a forever kind of relationship (online or off), but it’s important to stay curious and prioritize a good time while you’re on the hunt.
That way, you can spend the next day recharging—instead of stressing about moving on to the next rendezvous.
In Goldstein’s opinion, no first date should last longer than a Soul Cycle class. “In 45 minutes, you can tell if you want to see the person again.” She recommends meeting for a drink and telling the other person upfront that you need to jet early.
“Have the mentality that every date is going to be a really fun experience where you get to meet someone new and learn about them,” Goldstein says.
She was totally disregarding his bad behavior and holding on to her initial, uninformed impression. I agree it would have been gentlemanly of him to tell her that he was moving on, but I don’t think he was a jerk or a liar. ” That shiny thing could have been another woman, his career or some family thing. But he found something he’d rather do, and he did it.This is the grownup girl part of dating: manage your expectations and keep your fantasies in check no matter how strong the guy comes on. By choosing the crazy woman’s path of dashed hopes and disappointments (I think I can say that because that was me for many years.), you will likely burn yourself out. And then you miss out on so many opportunities to enjoy yourself and to stay open to many guys, one of which will your last first date. Take a second to let this sink in: The average Tinder user spends around 90 minutes per day (! That’s almost 12 hours a week—a part-time job, basically.That stat doesn’t even count time spent, you know, actually going out with all those suitors.Remember, the internet isn’t the only place to look for love—there are other options if apps are stressing you out.